Honey, Please Stop Digging in Dumpsters!

Honey, Please Stop Digging in Dumpsters!

Karen’s husband, Tom, was diagnosed with Frontal Temporal Dementia soon after retiring at the age of 64.  What this means is that the “muzzle” that used to keep him from calling her sister-in-law “a fat pig” (to her face) has been removed…permanently.  He has told his lovely young neighbor that she has ”a nice rack” and then lasciviously licked his lips as she slowly backed away before fleeing to the safety of her own home.  This mild-mannered gentleman has turned into a loud, obnoxious pottymouth; he does not “speak before thinking” – he “speaks without thinking”.  When he and Karen walk down the street together, she is in a state of constant high alert, always gearing up for the unpredictable and increasingly mortifying actions of this man that she no longer recognizes.

Lately, Karen has stopped going out with Tom.  It is too embarrassing, too exhausting, and too stressful.  They live in a small town which is good and bad…good because everyone (including the police) knows Tom has a “brain disease” and does their best to keep an eye on him.  Bad because everyone knows him and his strange behavior is always fodder for fresh gossip.  Karen finds herself cringing at the looks of pity tossed her way as she scurries down the aisle of the grocery store, always waiting for the phone to ring with news of Tom’s latest exploit…and there are many.

Karen’s fear and shame means she ventures out of the house less often;  Tom, however, refuses to be kept indoors.  He loves to walk around their small downtown; he loves to meander through the local park; and lately, he has taken to trekking 3 miles to the smelly dumpster outside of town in search of “treasures” which he delightedly shows off to both strangers and neighbors alike (his most recent find was a headless mannequin clad only in red bikini bottoms).

Karen does not know what will happen in the future and tries not to obsess over it.  She cannot, will not lock Tom up…at least not yet.  He is still young and, although she suffers bouts of rage, self-pity and fear, she knows this is not his fault.   The non-demented Tom would be horrified at the things he says and does…so Karen does her best to love him in the here and now – even if the here and now involves a headless mannequin in red bikini bottoms.

-May, 2013